Husbands are the head of the family as the Bible says. But when he loses his ability to recognize his roles as husband, loses that status. The Bible has taught us on different occasions and different issues. It gives guidelines for the husbands to follow by an wonderful example, i.e. Elkanah.

As a husband I admired Elkanah, because of the way he led his love life with Hanna. There were sorrows, sadness, jealousy, pride, desperation, and anger in the family. But the head of the family dealt with everything so wonderfully.

Let’s see 1 Samuel 1 and learn the characters of a good husband from Elkanah just reading the Bible verses, which are given below:

He was A God Fearing man (v. 3): Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. In today’s world husbands are so busy in their workplaces, sometimes they miss fellowship of family and even church.

He showed Love in Action (v. 5): But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. Showing ‘I love you’ in an action form can really comfort a sad wife and that’s what Elkanah did.

He was Concerned & Caring (v. 8a): Elkanah her husband would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted?” I can see the overwhelming concern and care of a husband for his wife, which is almost rare in today’s world.

He was open to express his emotion (v. 8b): ‘Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?’ I became emotional when I read this sentence. This statement indicates that how much Elkanah had loved his wife Hannah despite of her barrenness. He literally poured out his emotion before Hannah.

He was down to earth, Humble (v. 23): ‘Do what seems best to you,’ Elkanah her husband told her. ‘Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.’ So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. In the whole chapter no where it’s written that ‘Elkanah suggested something’, ‘Elkanah ordered something’, ‘Elkanah asked something’. Rather we see a humble husband who loved his wife from the core of his heart. That’s why he could say to his wife that ‘do what seems best to you’. Wow! Incredible.

He Respected & Valued his wife’s decision (v. 23): “Do what seems best to you,” Elkanah her husband told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. This verse also indicates that he valued his wife’s opinions, thinking. In Indian families it’s a rare phenomena.

Wow! What an amazing love story of a mere man, whose name has not even remembered anywhere in the Bible except this chapter or in comparison to Hannah. But his love for his wife sets a big example before the husbands of today’s busy world.

By Mrs. Sapna Nanda

Marriage is a wonderful relationship, which according to general opinion is made in heaven. It is partially true because marriage is a union instituted by God (Gen. 2:18-25), but also the partners have to play vital role to keep the fire of love burning on earth. It involves the active participation of both the partners in working out a good, healthy and everlasting marriage.

In the present generation with modern ideas about freedom and self- centeredness creeping in, marriage is viewed as a Contract between two persons. Two people make a deal to experience “live in” relationship as long as it suits them. With the appearance of suffocation and boredom, the partners split with mutual understanding. These relationships are not based on love but selfishness and ambitions, which can be easily broken. Sometimes marriage is treated like a business deal. Faithfulness until the work is done.

The correct perspective of marriage is that it is a Covenant between two people along with the presence and witness of a third party (actually the first) i.e. God. The seriousness of the Covenant relationship can be understood when we look at the unfailing and ongoing relationship of God with human beings. Though we fail time and again to keep our promises of faithfulness and love towards God, yet God remains faithful and never gives up on us.

A Covenant signifies an eternal relationship. It cannot break with the storms and tempests of life. Rather it grows stronger and sweeter with each passing hurdles. When two people commit themselves to each other for a lifetime, it demands undivided devotion, unflinching love, and unwavering faithfulness towards each other. This is possible only with God as the strong Foundation. If He is the chief corner stone, friend, philosopher and guide of both the partners, there is 100% guaranty that any marriage, no matter how miserably mismatched according to the worldly standard will never hit the rocks but will always have a safe landing in spite of rough weather.

Family is God’s wonderful creation of a closely knitted community. The members of the family share moments of happiness and sorrow. There are also painful moments of strife and quarrel. But God’s intention of family is not to create strife or division and falling apart. A healthy nation is built upon healthy families. Let’s take a moment to check the health of our families.

Do we appreciate one another?
In a healthy family, the members express a high degree of appreciation for each other. Several families even created projects around the house to stimulate praise. For example, one household of five could have creative events with funny, attractive title. Every few months, the family members could meet and each could spend one minute praising every other member of the family. There could even be a family post box placed in a central place. Each member, at their convenient time, could drop small chits of appreciation or positive quality of other members. Such creative fun events are certainly stimulating and inspirational.

Do we have quality time together?
The healthy and happy families spend a great deal of quality time together. They genuinely enjoy being together. They worked at doing things that involved every member of the family. It is a wonderful team where all members are self-motivated directed. They share responsibilities and create synergy.

Do we effectively communicate?
The successful families have good communication patterns. They spend time talking to each other. The key to effective communication in a family is that members listen and work at understanding each other.

Are we committed to one another?
The healthy families have a strong sense of commitment. They actively promote one another’s happiness and welfare. An example of this commitment is in how these families handle themselves when things become too hectic, causing them to spend less time together. In your home, each family member could make a list of his or her individual activities. The things he or she really doesn’t want to do or that isn’t very important are scratched to provide more time for family involvement.

How strong is our religious orientation?
The next common ingredient is a high degree of religious orientation. These families participate in religious activities together. They are committed to a spiritual lifestyle.

How do we handle crisis situations?
The happy family has the ability to deal with crises in a positive manner. This isn’t to say that they enjoy crises, but even in the worst situation they are able to find some positive elements, no matter how tiny, and focus on that.

So make all efforts to have a healthy and happy family. Enjoy life and help built a happy nation.

By Raymond & Breann Lengtat

It was stated in a recent issue of Candles that the divorce rate in India is at 1.1%. Sadly, it is known that the divorce rate in the United States is at 50%! These numbers are astounding. It is our belief that the main cause of divorce and what is at the heart of the family condition today can be summed up in one word BUSY.

Families are busy. As educators in the United States, we have been in heavy contact with many different families, seeing the condition through the eyes of our students.

Families have many different things pulling at them, conflicting with the need to be unified and cohesive. Usually both parents have demanding jobs that require long hours and busy schedules; children have school requirements, sports activities, friends, and family demands. This creates an atmosphere of chaos. Many families do not even take the time to eat a family meal together. Parents grab something quickly as they run out of the door, and children are asked to feed themselves. This “busy-ness” has created the “Fast Food Nation” people too busy to cook a meal at home hurriedly drive through a fast food restaurant for quick food eaten in the car while on the go. Such a situation continues the idea of chaos within the family.

With this atmosphere being the status of our families in the US, it is no wonder that families are eroding. It becomes apparent why the divorce rate is so high. People simply do not have the time for others, including their spouses and their children. Children become independent in the sense that they must take care of themselves mothers are too busy to be nurturing. Students miss education opportunities because parents are too busy to be involved at school. Parents miss the development and growth of their children because they are too busy to notice that their child is quickly growing up. This is truly a disgrace to the institution of family that God has created.

We have been blessed by our time in India by many things, but one thing stands out. The pace of life is much different than the US. This is critical to maintaining a family unit. Taking time to notice things and relate to people is so valuable. It is, in fact, what the Lord called us to do. He commanded that we “love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12). In obedience to this command, we must take the TIME to love our family and others around us. We would like to encourage all readers of Candles to take some time to consider the business of your own life. Are you too busy to spend time with your own family? And more importantly, are you too busy to spend time with God?

Spending personal time with God is something that will inspire us to realize the importance of family. The more we get to know Him, the more we will realize just how much He loves our families. We will realize through time with God that His desire is for us to grow as a unified, cohesive family that works together to serve Him and bring glory to His name. We will learn what He is like. And we will learn that He calls us to be like Him. We are to love as He loves. Time spent with God will lead to the desire to spend more time with family. This time spent together will strengthen the bond and bring families closer together.

We often get “too busy” for our families. We must see this trend change, or the divorce rate will continue to rise throughout the world.